Today I passed my CPR/AED re-certification, even though for the first time in four years, out of 30 questions, I answered one incorrectly. That doesn’t sit too well with me and I told the teacher so. She shrugged like it was somehow my fault. Go figure.
Still, this means I am qualified to sing Staying Alive while pounding on the chest of an unconscious individual and if they refused to sing along, eventually, then I am also trained to operate the defibrillator that will administer an electric shock as punishment. It’s a cruel job, but people need beating and someone has to do it. Who’s a happy volunteer.
Then when I was back at my desk, two of my co-workers were walking down the hall having a discussion. They asked me if they both went down at the same time, which one would I save first. Ah, a test of loyalty and I feel like King Solomon who has a weighty decision to make.
My first thought was that I could cut them both in half and they could simultaneously bleed to death and I wouldn’t have to choose. Then I decided I would give one friend 30 compressions and 2 breaths and then I would give the other friend the same treatment, but that’s not effective CPR, so I told them not to hang out together and we won’t have this problem.
A few hours later, I realized I did not take my picture of the day and I wanted a photo of Resusci Anne or the training mannequin I used. The training for the new enrollees had just finished and I ran to the conference room with my camera. I walked in and gave my speech to the instructor saying I’m a photographer and that I document my day through pictures. I asked if I could get a photo of Anne and that I was not crazy. A co-worker sitting at the table yelled out, yes she is. Too bad this place is not like what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I gave her the shut up look and then confessed that I was a liar and that I am crazy. The instructor didn’t seem to mind and pulled Anne from the canvas bag.
I positioned the mannequin, who I earlier named Denzel, on the table and if you look closely, you can see the smile on his face. I’m assuming he was well-pleased with my technique and that’s one thing I did not get wrong.