Anne, are you okay?

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Today I passed my CPR/AED re-certification, even though for the first time in four years, out of 30 questions, I answered one incorrectly. That doesn’t sit too well with me and I told the teacher so. She shrugged like it was somehow my fault. Go figure.

Still, this means I am qualified to sing Staying Alive while pounding on the chest of an unconscious individual and if they refused to sing along, eventually, then I am also trained to operate the defibrillator that will administer an electric shock as punishment. It’s a cruel job, but people need beating and someone has to do it. Who’s a happy volunteer.

Then when I was back at my desk, two of my co-workers were walking down the hall having a discussion. They asked me if they both went down at the same time, which one would I save first. Ah, a test of loyalty and I feel like King Solomon who has a weighty decision to make.

My first thought was that I could cut them both in half and they could simultaneously bleed to death and I wouldn’t have to choose. Then I decided I would give one friend 30 compressions and 2 breaths and then I would give the other friend the same treatment, but that’s not effective CPR, so I told them not to hang out together and we won’t have this problem.

A few hours later, I realized I did not take my picture of the day and I wanted a photo of Resusci Anne or the training mannequin I used. The training for the new enrollees had just finished and I ran to the conference room with my camera. I walked in and gave my speech to the instructor saying I’m a photographer and that I document my day through pictures. I asked if I could get a photo of Anne and that I was not crazy. A co-worker sitting at the table yelled out, yes she is. Too bad this place is not like what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I gave her the shut up look and then confessed that I was a liar and that I am crazy. The instructor didn’t seem to mind and pulled Anne from the canvas bag.

I positioned the mannequin, who I earlier named Denzel, on the table and if you look closely, you can see the smile on his face. I’m assuming he was well-pleased with my technique and that’s one thing I did not get wrong.

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15 thoughts on “Anne, are you okay?

  1. “I am qualified to sing Staying Alive while pounding on the chest of an unconscious individual and if they refused to sing along, eventually, then I am also trained to operate the defibrillator that will administer an electric shock as punishment.”

    Bwhahahahahahaahahaha! Oh dear god, woman….you CRACK ME UP!!!

    I love when you add your stories to your photos.

    Congrats on getting your CPR/AED re-certification! And only ONE wrong? I think that’s great! I took CPR a loooooong time ago, so I doubt very much that I would remember anything if I had to save someone. The only thing I could do now, would be to use my makeup skills and apply a little daytime look, so they wouldn’t look dead.

    Bwhahahahahahaha!

    Aren’t I wicked?

    Great photo of Denzel! He looks VERY happy with your “technique!”

    *wink*

    X

    • v says:

      g’day ron! yeah, i don’t think i’m supposed to write here, but sometimes my people overlap. well glad you had a laugh. 🙂

      yeah one wrong, not that it matters, i passed, but i was a tad disappointed. maybe i should just go on to law school. lawyers don’t have to be smart, they just have to test well, at least that’s what someone told me.

  2. I, too, loved the image of you singing, “Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive” as you gave a compression for each “ah.” It *almost* makes me want to have a heart attack when we meet up.

    Nice question on who do you save. That’s almost a Book of Questions question. But I think you have to like each person equally to get an accurate answer. I enjoyed the thought of you grabbing a chainsaw (every office has a chainsaw behind glass that says, “Only break in an emergency” right?) and cutting them both in half while another person looks on saying, “What are you doing?!”

    Then you rev the saw and say, “I’m a trained CPR professional; I *know* what I’m doing.”

    • v says:

      lol. uh don’t *almost* have a heart attack when we meet and we’re gonna meet, as wordpress as my witness. i will probably do more screaming and crying than anything if you do. and i can’t give you an aspirin unless i know all the medications you’re taking…so um, don’t do that. well maybe you’ll have a heart attack after i hug you, but i’m going to talk you through it. and don’t make me chase you.

      man i can’t believe they were having that discussing, but because i pointed to my main buddy and said i would work on her first, they took that as my answer. i think my solution of them not hanging out together is best.

      hard choice. hey is that a book of questions question. i’d be interested to know what people would do. hmmm. yes, we have chainsaws in the office. most are used to cut open wallets, hardly any are used for open heart surgery. yes, we practice out of the scope of our training if need be.

      guess which song i’m going to sing on my way to michigan?

      i’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz. if you see me skipping through the airport, just tell me to calm down.

      and now i need to get a coffee can and label it the wizard fund and start throwing money at it.

      and i like referring to you as the wizard.

      where’s the photo to this blog post?

    • v says:

      love, love, love this line:

      have found the bliss of Buddha. oh and i’m using it as a future post name.

      bliss of buddha. bliss of buddha.

      txs

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